utterlie ridiculous stoopid lists

im bored....but too ill to talk to people......so....im going to rant on this.......

i think my head is going to explode


the music to pirates of the caribbean rocks my ass......and i can speak the script to it......


i jus found a book that i have.....yes a book.....and i was reading it....yes...i reallie was.....but this is coz it's jus random lists.....it's "the book of utterlie ridiculous stoopid lists" in fact.....so nothing substantial....im fairlie convinced that most people would find the jokes lame...but me an my sister find it entertaining as well as some others.....here are some of the lists more that so when im bored i can find them quicklie when i dont wanna be holding a book coz it goes against everiething i believe in......

10 words you dont often use in a conversation with your auntie:-

• brontasaurus
• leper
• girth
• strangulated
• pan-galactic
• myxomatosis
• grindstone
• warlock
• neutron
• hymen
  

19 stoopid things to put in a lonelie hearts column if you're a woman:-

• 28AA
• jealous boyfriend
• goofie
• huge
• hairie
• cuddlie
• methadone dependant
• monie grabbing
• 7 children
• wartie
• discharge
• octogenarian
• cellulite citie
• frigid
• leprous
• keith chegwin look-a-like
• ginger
• intelligent

16 stoopid things to put in a lonelie hearts column if you're a man:-

• premature ejaculation
• austin allegro owner
• destitute
• compulsive drinker/smoker/gambler
• transvestite
• insurance salesman
• acne ridden
• contagious
• bi
• trulie obese
• wife beater
• panties
• pervert
• con artist
• ex-freak-show
• ginger

8 stoopid chat up lines:-

• hi....iv got a small penis
• im unemployed...with no monie...no job prospects and terminal b.o
• hey dollface...ever been for a ride in a skoda favorit before?
• i wonder what your head would look like on a stick
• wanna come back to mine and see my hornbie OO scale model railway?
• i bet you've never met anyone with as manie STDs as me
• anyone ever told you that you look jus like vanessa feltz....
• zebra jam jar china orange balloon weeeeeee....

2 telltale signs that a man is a virgin:-

• he says he is
• he says he isnt

11 stoopid things for yes men to say:-

• i dont think so
• perhaps
• never
• no
• no siree
• maybe
• negative
• im not sure
• let me think about it
• deffinitlie not
• not for a million pounds

1 fruit that looks like a banana:-

• a banana

15 hit movies with armadillos in them:-

• carrie on armadillo
• enter the armadillo
• who framed roger armadillo
• three men and an armadillo
• resevoir armadillo
• indecent armadillo
• when harrie met armadillo
• a clockwork armadillo
• gone with the armadillo
• four weddings and an armadillo
• the silence of the armadillos
• armadillo
• armadillo 2
• armadillo 3

rin tin tin's 6 most memorable lines

• bow-wow
• wuff
• whine
• ruff-ruff-ruff
• aowwwwww
• grr! arf! arf!

10 stoopid games to play by yourself:-

• kiss chase
• american football
• tug of war
• spin the bottle
• pictionarie
• pass the parcel
• hide and seek
• postman's knock
• cricket
• 4 x 100 meter relay

10 stoopid things to use as a baton in a relay race:-

• a small cactus
• a scorpian
• anything covered in super glue
• anything white hot
• anything securelie manacled to your wrist
• a lit stick of dynamite
• an anvil
• a baton shaped piece of margarine
• your willie
• someone else's willie

2 things fundamentallie wrong with belgium as a nation

• it exsists
• belgians live there

13 words hardlie ever....or never....used about tonie blair

• insectivoid
• female
• shuttlecock
• principled
• thrilling
• tastie
• oblong
• scrumptious
• musclie
• edible
• nobtastic
• fluorescent
• socialist

9 names you wont find in the old testament

• cosmo
• wendie
• godzilla
• bob
• great uncle bulgaria
• fattie
• po
• waynetta
• jesus

7 predictable sequals to the colour purple

• the colour orange
• the colour crimson
  
• the colour brown
  
• the colour yellow
  
• the colour aquamarine
  
• the colour puce
  
• the colour purple 2

6 things which there arent names for:-

•  
•  
•  
•  
•  
•  

maybe some of you read that...most didnt im sure...but i hope it enlightens your day as much as it does mine....


my random list of 32 things that make me happie when im ill:-

• my mummie
  
• beckie
• frodo
• dvd special features
• elijah wood in lotr dvd special features
• anything to do with elijah wood
  
• boy meets world
• tea
  
• hoodies
• Sclub7
  
• chapstick
• gertrude (when my head's not spinning so that i can actuallie play her)
• complaining at the lameness of HGTV shows
• anything to do with lotr or potc
• joel sending me random lame stuff to do with lotr
• **o my goth**
• sean's show
• more tea
  
• pointing out the blatentlie obvious advertising techniques....like in the advert for the new ipod nanos....the angle of the camera makes the hands look bigger....people with big hands were probablie used.....etc.....
• beyonce
• chicken
• the blackbud forum
• myspace
• toast with marmite mixed up with lots of butter so that it ends up looking like peanut butter...but actuallie tastes good
• doughnuts
• east 17
• jonathan creek.....yay alan davies
• hugh laurie in house
• giles from buffie
• spike from buffie
• picking holes in my favourite films (mostlie lotr and potc then!)
• my forever friends duvet
  
• a lot more tea

.......and im spent......